What is Parenting and When Does it Begin?

by Hanna Vock


The adults’ responsibility towards children is threefold:

Caring – Parenting – Supporting

Certain requirements must be met for these processes to be successful:
Imperative: the unconditional love of the parents, the open and emotional attention of anybody involved with the upbringing of the child, their authenticity, the willingness to be fair and basic material means.

Desirable for anybody involved in the upbringing of the child: a cheerful and positive state of mind, a general interest in learning and comprehending.

Even though this manual focuses on the question of advancement of gifted children, yet along with the effort of advancement arise parenting issues. After all, kindergartens are (in Germany) even legally obligated to contribute to the upbringing of the children and to do so in close cooperation with the parents.

Unimaginable, a day in kindergarten where the decisions related to questions of upbringing made by the staff or individual kindergarten teachers did not have any effect — even if it were deliberately decided not to act, interfere or get involved.

What Exactly Is Parenting?

The pertinent literature is abundant, still I would like to add my view of the topic:
Technically speaking, parenting is intentional or unintentional behaviour control.

When children grow up they are being steered towards or away from specific kinds of behaviour. The same goes for an adult’s efforts of refining his own upbringing (or such efforts by another person directed at that adult).

It depends highly on the experiences of the child (or the adult) where in particular the process of parenting will lead. And it is in all cultures that adults aim to affect these experiences, which so eminently imprint on their children’s upbringing.

It is undisputed that the influence of the parents and other individuals of importance in the life of the child is paramount. I consider it crucial. It is a great power, only to be executed with great responsibility.

With regard to manipulation — inacceptable in any of its forms — the line is being crossed when the child is geared towards a behaviour that serves the (selfish) interests of the adult more than those of the child. The pursuit of selfish objectives while the child is growing up turns the parent into a manipulator.
– “I want to get the child to be submissive and not get in the way of my convenience.”
– “I want to get the child to have a career so that I may be better off later on.”
– “I want to get the child to ease my loneliness and never leave me.”

Aside from the danger of manipulation, it is generally true: The less responsible the parents go about the upbringing of the child the more the influence of other individuals who are close to the child will weigh in. Some parents mean the best, but do not even get close.

If parents do not manage to create a well-structured environment for the child, if their attention and care is unreliable, if they meet the basic needs of the child only insufficiently, if the parents, through their own conduct, do not exemplify good communication, the availability of a positive, alternative role model becomes very important.
Beside family life, kindergarten represents not only an additional space, but a space where the child can feel easy and relaxed, where it experiences the edifying forms of togetherness and receive further stimuli for its social development.

Objectives of Parenting

This goes for anyone who is responsible for the upbringing of a child: His/her objectives with regard to upbringing are strongly dependent upon his/her idea of what constitutes good upbringing, regardless of whether or not they are aware if this.

Somebody who has shown great indifference or even recklessness towards others in the pursuit of his career and the accumulation of wealth may well find it desirable for his children to cultivate just these character traits. It may not be on top of his list to teach his children to share, to be considerate towards other people and to comply with the rules of fairness in the pursuit of their goals.

What is difficult is when the child is being told one thing (the good) while it experiences another thing (the not so good) as is being exemplified by the adults, and when on top of this the latter is what is really expected of the child. Then the child can only despair, revolt or become a phony too.

Since many different ideas are possible, I feel obliged to outline my own idea of a child with good upbringing. Needless to say: the reader does not have to share my views.

During its infancy and throughout pre-school age I would like to make my contribution in the way that the child at the age of six will have developed the following traits and skills:

    • The child is well aware of its needs and able to speak up for them.
    • The child is self-confident.
    • The child is aware of and respects the needs of others.
    • The child does not need to be encouraged to ask for help or for an explanation if needed.
    • The child is, in most instances, able to curb its aggressive impulses.
    • The child disposes of appropriate ways to defend itself when under attack.
    • The child usually approaches other people with an open, impartial mind and a friendly attitude.
    • The child has a pronounced sense of justice and injustice.
    • The child respects rules of conduct when it understands them and will mostly abide by them; it is able to question a rule and if necessary verbalise arguments, either against it or in favour of a better rule.
    • The child is able to put aside its own wishes temporarily while something more important has to be taken care of.
    • The child is able to look out for its own possessions and those of others.
    • The child is able to share and does so joyfully. It will spontaneously give presents to others.
    • The child is able to listen to others and mostly manages to hear them out.
    • The child is able to play with others peacefully and cooperate purposefully.
    • The child is able to keep up friendships over extended periods of time.
    • The child is able to arrange to meet friends and stick by them.
    • The child tries to mediate conflicts.
    • The child tries to get help when somebody is being attacked.

Is Parenting Necessary?

Parents often ask me what I think about parenting in the strict sense and whether it is really necessary to take “deliberate measures”, and whether it is not sufficient to see to it that the child grows up under favourable conditions.

My answer is: favourable living conditions are, as described above, a prerequisite for a successful development.

Yet, I see parents (and kindergarten teachers just the like) in an obligation to meet all three requirements in order to ensure that the child gets everything that is necessary for a successful development:

1st Care.
This includes:
loving; cuddling;
protecting; reliably providing for the child;
communicating in an unmistakably loving, honest, friendly and respectful manner.
The adult in charge himself profits from doing a good job: he/she will earn the affection of the child, its charm and caress.

2nd Support (education).
This includes:
Actively helping the child develop an ever increasing understanding of the world (and thereby of its own self).
Creating a positive (if even humorous) learning atmosphere and conveying the tools of cognition.
The adult in charge will profit himself: together with the child he/she discovers and learns about things he/she did not know yet; many things will be understood much better through the effort of explaining them. The child’s questions lead to new insights.

3rd Parenting.
This includes:
actively helping the child to develop its social competence, to become a fair, circumspect, reliable and likeable person.
The adult in charge himself profits: He/she is being trained to overcome him-/herself in order to consistently meet the child’s permanent needs for care, protection and communication.
He/she learns to set aside his/her own needs for sleep, rest, hobbies and socialising as much as necessary. He/she is being trained to observe just the more his/her own authenticity ‑ to not say one thing and then do another.

All this is a question of the appropriate degree: denial of love is bad, so is overwhelming love; do protect, but do not over-protect, as can often be observed these days; do offer consistent and reliable care, but do not over-feed and pamper; cognitive stimulation, yes, but do not challenge the child too much or too little.

Finding the right balance in these endeavours is a permanent challenge, in the family as well as at kindergarten.

And When Does Parenting Begin?

Caring and supporting begin at birth. But what about parenting?

I think, up to the age of about 2 years children should be granted a jester’s license. (The only exception here is: they must be taught to accept a “no” early on, see below.)
Within this period they hopefully experience themselves as being safely and consistently nurtured – and they just go on doing “their thing”. They follow their impulses within the framework of well-structured surroundings, which provide sufficient stimuli and where basic needs are reliably met.

These are the needs I consider to be “basic”:
– Nourishment,
– safety/security (“I’m being looked out for”),
– physical activity,
– warmth,
– fresh air,
– physical closeness to loving persons,
– emotional and intellectual contact to loving persons,
– hygiene,
– undisturbed rest,
– stimulating surroundings,
– lots of freedom to explore the surroundings (to promote and sustain the joy of discovery).

What Exactly Do I Mean by „Parenting“ at Very Young Age?

1st Helping the child to increase its independence,
2nd Helping the child to develop socially agreeable behaviour.

The first point is easily accomplished if one manages to avoid over-protection. I see two causes for over-protection: one originates in (often unrealistically exaggerated) fears with respect to the child, the other cause is the egocentric attitude of some parents who do not want to be alone and seek their own fulfilment by binding the child to themselves, by looking after the child too much and thereby making themselves indispensable.

The development of independence requires not only certain degrees of freedom, but also guidance and encouragement to take action. These efforts, too, are to be made by parents and kindergarten teachers.

The second point needs a closer investigation.

Encouraging the child to develop socially agreeable behaviour, is the effort of turning a self-centred one-year-old into a socially competent five-year-old who respects others and who is able to take some responsibility for itself.

There is good reason that a new-born child and a one-year-old are self-centred: a tiny human being, so highly dependent, must take whatever and whenever it can. If need be, it must scream and “annoy” others.
Its perceptual aptitude, its ability to communicate and its mental capacities do not yet suffice to show any other behaviour. In many cultures babies therefore do have that above mentioned “jester’s license”, this phenomenon can even be observed among higher mammals.

This changes when a child reaches the beginning of its third year. Parenting efforts by adults (as well as by elder children) set in at the age of two. The other two requirements (care, support) must be met by the adults from the very beginning on.

The Early „No!“

The primal means of parenting is the word “no”. Some prefer “stop”, because it does not sound so sharp [as does the German “Nein” which sounds like the English “Nine”] when shouted loudly or spoken in a decisive tone. I prefer the more alarming “no”.
Parents who fail to make timely use of the word “no” (or “stop”) will have difficulties later on.

This “no” does not mean: “I don’t want this right now”, but it means “This is forbidden”. It has nothing to do with my current mood, but it reflects a norm to be abided by in the community the child is part of.

The “no” can only be justified by a lot of “yes”. No child can accept a predominance of “no”. Most definitely, liberties and prospects of development must predominate, so that the “no”, whenever necessary, is acceptable for the child.
The “no” is only necessary,
– if the safety of the child or other people or living beings is in danger,
– if fairness must be established,
– if certain objects must be protected from damage,
– if the parents’ nerves or those of other people would otherwise be overstrained.

The “no” can be effective even if the child does not yet understand the meaning of the word. It is the alarming tone and the corresponding facial expression that does it. Since individual children are of different sensitivity, for some it will take less, for some a little more emphasis.

From the beginnings of mankind to this day adults have had to hold back little children by use of alarm signals; that is, whenever little children begin to move around on their own. The adults have to pay attention and react quickly and loudly when a baby is about to do something dangerous – fall into a creek, climb onto a dangerous rock, step into fire, run into a street. And – for as long as the child does not yet know where a boundary is ‑ an adult will have to go and help the child see the line that should not be crossed.

This alert has been and still is not only applied when a child endangers itself or others, but also in instances where the child is assaulting others – or when it is about to damage something of value. If, for instance, a child is pulling another child by the hair because it wants a toy, one should put an end to this – and quickly so, right at the onset of the child’s action; interfere to reinforce the norm “do not pull others by the hair” verbally and by facial expression.

This is quite exhausting, but it is the only way to prevent the child from developing its aggressive impulses into a general method of getting its way, which will then be hard to get rid of, once it has proven to be successful. By the same token the child that has almost become the victim of the assault in our example learns that it has a right to remain unharmed (and that the adults will protect it).

The more attentively the toddlers are being attended to, the earlier they can be left unobserved. The good news is: If children are trained early on to react to a loud “No!” by pausing and stopping the intended action, they can be granted more free moving space.

At our kindergarten (and I am sure so did many other kindergartens too) we managed to have very few assaults among the children. And in instances where they did happen, the assaulted child knew it had the right to defend itself and that the adults would not put the defence on the same level as the assault.

Many children have a fine sense of the difference between offence and defence. Unfortunately kindergarten teachers often confuse the children by getting the two mixed up. Once an aggressor shouts out loud enough “But he hit me too!” too often both are told “You shouldn’t hit each other at all!”. Great …, might as well go right on to the next attack, easy as it is to get away with it.

How Can Important Possessions Be Protected by Shouting the “Alert”?

When my oldest grandson began roaming through our large living room, in which a little office is set up in one corner, he had to cover 6 meters from one end to the other. Once he had arrived at the opposite end of the room there were shelves with ring binders tempting him. It would have been easy for this strong young boy to pull them out and tear them to bits and pieces, and it would have been a great pleasure for him at this stage.
At the other end of the room (6 meters away) there is another shelf with toys and — now — also a ring binder with scribbling paper in the bottom two rows. This shelf was the “yes” mitigating the “no”.

Now I wanted to draw a line and steer his behaviour.

So I laid out an eye-catching ribbon on the carpet in front of my office corner. As soon as my grandson got closer to this border I shouted “No, no!” and hurried towards him pointing at the carpet behind the ribbon, shaking my head and repeating my “no”.
Then I turned him around, pointed at the path over to the other shelf and gave him an encouraging “yes”. When he got there and started pulling thing out of the shelf he got to hear another friendly “yes”. I even felt like sitting down next to him and joining him in his activity.

This “training” had to be repeated a couple of times, then he had learned the lesson. From that point on, whenever he got close to the forbidden shelf, he shook his head, laughed, turned around and “dashed” crawling happily towards the other shelf. We had an understanding, and I had the feeling that he liked just that. Ever since the office corner was “no go” – and whenever a ball incidentally rolled into that corner he gave me an enquiring look and waited for my “yes”.
He had learned to respect the boundary.

It became difficult again when he discovered his interest in my computer. But here, too, he would always ask my permission first. By the same token I ask the now five-year-old before taking any of his things, for example his school supplies.

This might remind some people of obedience training as applied to animals. Obedience training, when applied to an animal (or to a human being) aims at a behaviour which rewarded with no more than a treat or the attention of a human being, without which the animal would get along just fine in the wild. No tiger needs the stroking by a human being for a happy life, no dog living in the wild longs for the lap of a human being. For more or less justifiable reasons we take away the freedom of animals and provide them with an agreeable alternate world instead, for as long as they behave the way we want them to.

Early behavioural training for children (which many higher mammals give to their young too) is no obedience training, but instead helps children to be safe, become independent and likeable members of their group.

Not the training as such is questionable, but many aims of parenting and behavioural expectations posed upon children are. If for instance a 4 or 8 years old child is expected not to get all messed up and dirty when immersed in intensive playing, or if a child with a great urge to be physically activity is expected to sit still over an extended period of time in school, I find that highly questionable.

And Further Means of Parenting?

So, at the beginning there are reasonable aims of parenting and the corresponding behavioural expectations adequate for the given age of the child. Furthermore, there are “yes” and “no” and the corresponding behavioural training.

But what comes next? Which other adequate tools of parenting are there to be implemented to achieve further aims?

Physical violence is not a tool of parenting, it is a crime.
Among pedagogues this principle has become second nature, yet physical violence against children is still widespread and it has not been that long that it was considered perfectly alright. Physical violence does not only include spankings and physical abuse of other kinds. The denial of food (no dinner tonight or worse) or locking a child up belong on the list too.

Psychological abuse of any kind is no tool of parenting.
There are many kinds of psychological abuse implemented to discipline children; some are obvious, others are more subtle: denial of love; threatening; ridiculing; compromising; humiliating; ironic and sarcastic remarks; unfriendly comparisons with other, allegedly better children …

This is never parenting, this is the abuse of power.

Appropriate Means of Successful Parenting

Parenting encompasses several processes that are entwined with one another:

1st The establishment of norms and rules.
Good norms for living together are often simply passed down, it is enough to be aware of them and to reflect them. Other norms have to be developed (they have to be made up, discussed, negotiated, adjusted and updated).

It is up to the adults (parents, kindergarten teachers) to agree on good norms for living together. When the children have reached a certain age they can be involved in this process. Some 4-5-year-olds may have some good ideas to contribute.

From these moral norms (for example: we want to be fair) rules are to be derived, which are either to be followed by everybody alike or which can be interpreted in a more differentiated way, as for instance: 1 adult gets 2 scoops of ice cream, one kindergarten child gets 1 scoop of ice cream. (See also: The Civil Servant Wanted too Much Ice Cream.)

When there is not enough money and all children are hungry, it may also be fair to leave out the adults and only buy ice cream for the children. (In this particular case the children reasoned: “First of all, we are children and we still have to grow, and then it is you who carry the money and therefore you have to make sure you have enough money on you.” – Case closed.)

Rules should be reasonable and thereby acceptable for the children; there must be no unexplained rules and no rules that limit the children’s freedom unnecessarily.

2nd Communicating rules and norms.
Norms and rules must be communicated in a way that is comprehensible for children. It must be made sure (even if in an exhausting effort) …

    • that every child knows every single rule,
    • that every child understands every single rule and knows why this rule exists (attribution to the norm from which it was derived),
    • that the children are aware that there will always be the opportunity to debate the rule anew – just not in the current situation of the breach of the rule.

3rd The reinforcement of the (well-established and accepted) rules.
The best rule is worthless if it is not being reinforced. The children lose their confidence that the rules are really apt to ensure the rights of the individual and general fairness if arbitrariness rules.

Sometimes the rules apply, sometimes they don’t – sometimes there are sanctions, sometimes there aren’t – this undermines the adults’ credibility.

This does not mean that the same rules have to apply everywhere. Children can easily accept that there are different rules at home, at kindergarten, at their grandparents’ house or in other families.

At our kindergarten it had always been permitted to climb up on the chairs and tables, to play on them or move them around. Sometimes they were even stacked on top of each other. Before a meal they would be wiped off with hot water and dried off and thereby the standards of hygiene were met.

Some parents found it hard to accept this rule as they were afraid their children might start climbing up on tables at home. But it never happened. The children were quite able to differentiate and managed quite well to follow different rules in different situations.

A conscientious allowance of exceptions is as important as the rule itself. There is no doubt that exceptions have to be made. They make the application of rules considerate, fair and friendly.

For safety reasons climbing onto the roof of the garden shack is forbidden. But presently we have a few older children who are really good at climbing, the roof is dry and not slippery and we have the time and can stand by and watch out for them. Therefore we make an exception and let them climb onto the roof.

The other way around: We have a personnel shortage, one of two kindergarten teachers on duty today has a severe headache, the group is agitated and the atmosphere is tense. So for the last two hours of the day, the rule “you can always go any place, in front of or behind the house, to the far corners of the property, behind bushes and anywhere else” is being limited to “everybody stays within the playground in front of the house”. This must be explained, and then also be reinforced!

Sanctions Are Necessary

If children – and this is frequently the case with gifted children – are immediately aware of it when having made a mistake, all “sermons” are superfluous. A look into the remorseful face of the child will do. Any further action would hurt their feelings unnecessarily.

If, however, the child thinks it didn’t do anything wrong, there is need to talk. No endless discussion, which some gifted children can carry on forever, but a precise and clear statement of where everybody stands in the matter.

Sometimes sanctions are necessary — for example, when the child shows the same intolerable social behaviour over and over again, like when it repeatedly does not take care of chores around the house it has accepted, or it keeps teasing and annoying other children. (Appropriate duties at home for a five-year-old could be: regularly taking the dishes out of the dishwasher, or tidying up its own room and vacuuming it, or sweeping the balcony, the veranda or the stairway, or cleaning up the table after dinner and wiping it off …)

What Could These Sanctions Look Like?

1st You can let natural consequences follow,
2nd You can deny certain “benefits”.

A natural consequence is that parents/kindergarten teachers are angry and clearly show their disapproval by scolding the child.
A natural consequence of the failure to clean up the dinner table could be that none of the parents feels like telling a good night story, even though the good night story is custom and practice and the child has any right to count on it.

If the room has not been tidied up, visits by friends or planned activities with friends may be cancelled, even if the child has been looking forward to these. It would be a natural consequence if the parents insisted that the room be tidied up and cancelled the trip to the public swimming pool (or used the time set aside for the trip and took care of it themselves).

There is hardly a natural consequence in the case of repeated teasing and annoying of other children. An appropriate sanction might be to exclude the child from the trip to the amusement park or (at kindergarten) from the next planned field trip.
It is important that the child understands how the sanction is linked to its behaviour.

A tough but often effective method can be to expose the child to peer pressure. This requires a good deal of sensitiveness and acuteness of thought on the side of the kindergarten teacher. Such a case is described in the article: And Gone Were the Presents.

The Children Parent Each Other Though!

Yes, not only the parents and the kindergarten teachers parent the child, it is being parented by the other children as well, even by children of the same age or younger.
An adult does not always witness how children interact so that he/she could, if need be, intervene — and for children of age three and older this is a good thing.

The children are quite able to negotiate the terms of their interactions among each other. If it works out, this takes quite a load off the shoulders of the adults.

And what does that mean: “if it works out”?

It’s working out well if in a group of children it is the well-mannered children who are setting the agenda. A group of children is never egalitarian. There is always at least one, if not more, leader-type child with a natural authority (or power) who is setting the tone and the agenda.

What do these children do? Which are their norms? Which behaviour seems to come naturally to them?

Parents and kindergarten teachers cannot absolve themselves from the responsibility to look after this and make sure that those children are supported who have higher expectations with regard to social behaviour. Unfortunately, this does not always happen by itself.

When I first started out at my kindergarten it was like the “Wild West”. The strongest children were rather selfish and inconsiderate: they occupied the most popular places and held on to the most wanted toys whenever they felt like it. They threatened and drove other children off, and they would not even hesitate to get physical. They thought it was their good old right (the right of the strongest) to always have their way, even by the use of force if need be.

A number of children avoided this gang and stayed way out of their way. They were intimidated and gave up quite a few things they were entitled to. The middle-aged children tried to decide: do I want to be a victim or wouldn’t it be better to be the offender after all? The little ones (3-year-olds) “had no say at all”.

Many parents think this is normal: “That’s the way children are!”

It took a few months before things began to change. The ruthless among the children who were in their last year before school would by no means see why they should give up their “prerogatives” and did not change their attitude before changing over to school.

Their leave was a great relief, not only for myself and my colleague, but also for some of the children. They had long understood that good rules could mean safety and justice – as long as everybody stuck to them.

Ever after we were often envied for our fun and peaceful kindergarten life.

When Has Parenting Failed for the Time Being?

I consider early parenting (irrespective of education and care) as failed if a child at the age of 5 still shows antisocial behaviour on a regular basis.

Almost every child at this age will transgress boundaries and violate rules every once in a while. This, too, is indispensable in the effort to develop a strong sense of self-determination. But part of this effort is also to learn to face the music.
These are the necessary processes of social learning:

    • the occasional violation of rules,
    • the protest against or acceptance of sanctions,
    • the principal questioning of rules.

It is the same for adults: I’m speeding on the motorway and the next thing I know is I have to put up with having to pay a fine of € 25.00 — and how I just love that!

This “every once in a while” is to be distinguished from the habitual violation of rules. A child of 4 or 5 years of age that keeps defying rules which are vital for a peaceful coexistence is being antisocial. What is to be considered “antisocial” at this age? It means
– assaulting others again an again,
– wanting to hurt them,
– wanting to get what others already have and fighting for it brutally and ruthlessly (deafening yelling and screaming are part of the deal too), not being able or not wanting to share.

What Has Gone Wrong?

– Social standards have not been communicated clearly enough or without enough emphasis. Benign parents often think that such expectations are too much for their young ones. They grant the child the “jester’s license” for too long.
And / or
– There have been negative role models among the adults, among older children or among the child’s peers of age. These had an overwhelming influence and were not criticised enough.
And / or
– Violations of norms have been answered with indulgence, if bad comes to worse even in a comforting (!) manner.

Unfortunately, even one of these parenting mistakes can by itself set off an antisocial development if repeated often enough.

Now What?

Now — as horrible as it sounds — the child must be re-educated. This is an arduous task, which requires that parents and kindergarten teachers will pay close attention to the child and react clearly and without delay to any violation of a norm. And this must happen at a time when the other parents (and kindergarten teachers) with the well-mannered children can lay back and even leave their children to themselves over extended periods of time.

At this advanced age (5 or 6 years) it seems to me to be more difficult to get to a point where these children really internalise social norms, where good social behaviour becomes second nature and a heartfelt desire.

Woe Betide, if You Let Them Loose!

We all know ill-mannered children who “can totally freak out”, if they are unobserved or if they are in the majority in a group. Children’s birthday parties, sojourns in youth hostels and occasions of the kind can sometimes “derail” entirely — a horror for the parents. Such escalations are a clear signal that norms have not really been understood, accepted, let alone have become an internalised desire.

This can happen if mistakes of parenting persist or/and above all if children/juveniles experience a distinct discrepancy between the norms and the actual behaviour of their parents, their kindergarten teachers or of others from their social surroundings.

Then social behaviour will only be shown when under observation by stronger / more powerful individuals (or in the worst case will not be shown at all). Then we are talking about a juvenile or adult with an anti-social behaviour disorder.

If It Has Worked Out Well So Far: the Next Step in Parenting

The well-mannered child has now developed a reliable “inner voice” for social behaviour. The parenting job would be done, if 4- and 5-year-olds were not still somewhat easily lured into anti-social behaviour. There is always a promise in allurement. The persuader appears strong and keen: he promises fun, pleasure, triumph. Nothing wrong with letting oneself be lured into fun, pleasure, joy and triumph, as along as this does not go together with anti-social behaviour. And, by all means, there are plenty of socially acceptable sources for such indulgences.

Children should, however, be “vaccinated” against the allurement of anti-social behaviour. Those who are in charge of their upbringing and whom the well-mannered child trusts must continue to observe closely.

They should catch on quickly when another child or an adult tries to talk a child into anti-social behaviour, for instance: “Come on, let’s smash this” or “Come on, let’s run away (or across the dangerous street)” or “Come on, let’s say (to another child): ‘You’re not getting any of this cake, you’re too ugly’” or “We can steal this, nobody’s watching”.

It is surprisingly common that such behaviour is considered perfectly normal for 4- to 5-year-olds, and it is often trivialised.

How is this to be changed?

It is not easy for parents to criticise their child’s best friend, but it is necessary.

It is the only way for the child to learn how to take its own decision and to draw a line if necessary. There is no need to put the friendship into question (unless the case is severe). Being confronted with the criticism the parents have for the friend the child can decide for itself whether it is with the parents or with the friend in the matter. In any case it gets a chance to work things out with its friend. Maybe the friend changes his/her behaviour, maybe the friendship is spoiled or given up altogether and new friends have to be found.

It is vital that the child be supported in its ability to take and offer criticism, that it learns to draw a line, where necessary, and have certain expectations with regard to friendship.

Parenting continues and has to be finished in time

Basic moral issues can be sufficiently dealt with within pre-school age — but the children will always face new moral challenges — just like we adults do. Parents and teachers are responsible for helping children to cope with these, they should continue to stand by actively and with genuine interest. Sometimes well justified sanctions have to be imposed even on school children.

In my experience it is about at the age of 13 or 14 years that gifted children usually reach a degree of maturity that renders all further disciplinary interventions superfluous. The parenting process is “completed” and the child can now decide for itself, entirely independently.

If there continues to be a good trusting relationship between the parents or the teachers and the child/adolescent, the juvenile will come back for advice or comfort, surely not in all, but in some situations. This, of course, requires the teenager to recognise the adult as a moral authority and to be confident, that the adult will understand the current problems and handle them discretely and wisely.

Some adults, who would be legible for offering assistance just by virtue of still being close enough to the juvenile, jeopardise their credibility by being too suspicious, exerting too much control or trying to act as a guardian.
This is a pity for both sides.


In more fortunate cases the adults give up their leading role in time and assume a position where both sides learn from each other as equals.

See also:
Special Playing and Learning Needs or the Early Notion of Being Different
How Do Gifted Children Learn?


Date of Publication in German: 2013, September
Translation: Arno Zucknick
Copyright © Hanna Vock, see Impressum.


Ansgar (4;11)

Was interessiert das Kind aktuell, womit beschäftigt es sich geistig?

Name und Alter des Kindes:__Ansgar, 4;11__

Datum des Interviews:_______________________________________

Der Fragebogen kann – vor allem mit 3- bis 4-jährigen Kindern – auch in mehreren Etappen bearbeitet werden.

Wer führt das Gespräch?:_____________________________________

1) Hast du ein Lieblingsspielzeug? Womit spielst du am liebsten?

__Mit anderen Kindern spielen.__

2) Mit wem spielst du am liebsten im Kindergarten?

__Marta, Jenny, Emil, Fabian.__

3) Was spielt ihr dann zusammen am liebsten?

__Mal so, mal so.__

4) Worüber hast du gestern oder heute nachgedacht?

__Weiß ich nicht mehr.__

5) Hast du eine ganz besondere gute Freundin oder einen ganz besonderen guten Freund?


6) Gibt es etwas, wovor du Angst hast?


7) Was sammelst du besonders gerne? Besitzt du eine Sammlung oder eine „Schatzkiste“?

__Ja. Steine, Muscheln, Edelsteine.__

8 ) Was kannst du besonders gut?

__Manchmal gut Fahrrad fahren, schaukeln.__

9) Was möchtest du lernen?

__Ein richtiges Rad schlagen.__

10) Was tust du denn am allerliebsten im Kindergarten – und warum?

__Zeitung lesen, auf den Hof gehen, in der Wichtelhöhle spielen, turnen. Weil mir alles so Spaß macht.__

11) Was ist im Kindergarten noch schwierig für dich?

__Wenn ich was trinken möchte, zum Beispiel im Stuhlkreis.__

12) Was gefällt dir im Kindergarten gar nicht?

__C. (Junge) lässt mich nicht mitspielen, er sagt, dass ich nicht zu ihm darf. Ich wollte schon mal schauen, wo was Neues, Spannendes ist; C. hat mich dann weggeschubst. Er geht weg und lügt.__

13) Kannst du sagen, warum es dir nicht gefällt?

__ __

14) Gibt es etwas, das dich häufig im Kindergarten stört? Worüber ärgerst du dich immer wieder?

__Wenn andere Kinder einfach sagen: du Blödmann.__

15) Nenne mir ein Spielzeug, das du zu Hause hast und das dir ganz besonders wichtig ist – ein Spielzeug, das nie in den Müll geworfen werden darf.

__Kleine Legosteine.__

16) Kannst du sagen, warum es dir wichtig ist?

__ __

17) Wie heißt dein Lieblingsbuch oder deine Lieblingsgeschichte?

__Benjamin Blümchen feiert das Piratenfest.__

18) Was gefällt dir daran so gut?

__Es gefällt mir, weil sie so mutig sind und so gut kämpfen können.__

19) Was siehst du dir gerne im Fernsehen oder auf DVD an?

__Die Sendung mit der Maus und das Sandmännchen.__

20) Was findest du daran besonders gut?

__ __

21) Was möchtest du hier im Kindergarten als nächstes gerne lernen?

__Ein richtiges Rad schlagen.__

22) Was hast du schon einmal gemacht, worauf du richtig stolz bist?

__Ich habe eine Geschichte erfunden.__

23) Welchen Beruf findest du toll? Und warum?

__U-Bahn-Fahrer und Achterbahnfahrer. Weil man unter der Erde fahren kann und superschnell.__

24) Welchen Beruf findest du nicht schön? Und warum?

__ __

25) Mit wem kannst du am besten reden?

__Mit Mama.__

26) Stell dir vor, du triffst einen Menschen, der alles über die Welt und das Leben weiß, sogar noch viel mehr als deine Eltern. Was würdest du diesen Menschen fragen wollen?

__Wie groß die Erdkugel ist, wieviele Briefe es gibt, und über das Leben in anderen Ländern.__

27) Gibt es eine Regel hier im Kindergarten, die du doof findest?


28) Für die Kinder zum Ausfüllen: Der Fragebogen mit Gesichtern

Was machst du gerne? Was ist dir egal? Was machst du nicht gerne?

Male einen dicken Punkt oder ein Kreuz in das richtige Feld.

Ansgar erläuterte einige Punkte, Zum Beispiel:

Zu „Eine andere Sprache lernen“ führte er aus: „Ich würde gerne eine neue Sprache lernen, besonders die Fantasielandsprache, damit ich alle im Fantasieland verstehen kann.“

Zu „Rechnen“: Rechnen kann ich doch schon; 10 mal 10 sind 100.“

Zu „Über Fragen nachdenken“: Ich denke gerne über Fragen nach, zum Beispiel, was Schneemänner nicht können. Sie können nicht laufen, sie können etwas Besonderes machen, manchmal sogar Musik.“


An die 5- und 6-jährigen Kinder könnte man zusätzlich noch die folgenden Fragen richten (sie wurden Ansgar nicht gestellt):

29) Was würdest du verändern, wenn du König oder Königin wärst?


30) Was kannst du schon besser als Mama oder Papa?


31) Welchen Wunsch hast du, der vielleicht niemals in Erfüllung gehen kann?


32) Wem hast du schon mal etwas beigebracht? Und was war das?


33) Hast du schon mal ein Spiel erfunden? Und wie geht das?


(Die Fragen 29-33 stammen aus dem Buch „Frag mich“, siehe:

Bilderbücher, …

– oder sind dort enthaltenen Fragen ähnlich.)


Datum der Veröffentlichung: Oktober 2016
Copyright © Hanna Vock/Edeltraud Walter, siehe Impressum.

Ansgar, 4;11 Jahre alt

von Edeltraut Walter


Ansgar (4;11 Jahre alt) lebt bei seiner Mutter. Sie ist freiberufliche Schriftstellerin, hat einen Doktortitel und ist hoch begabt. Die Geschwister der Mutter sind nach ihrer Aussage auch alle hoch begabt und üben naturwissenschaftliche Berufe aus.

Ansgar hat großes Interesse an Buchstaben und Zahlen. Er schaut sich gerne Bilderbücher an und versucht, Wörter selber zu schreiben oder zu lesen.

…kurz gefasst…

Am Anfang ihres IHVO-Zertifikatskurses beschrieb die Autorin den noch Vierjährigen, bezog den Interessenfragebogen für den Kindergarten und den Elternfragebogen mit ein und ließ den Jungen an einem Computerprojekt teilnehmen, das für die älteren Kinder gedacht war.

Ansgar hat eine schnelle Auffassungsgabe – so braucht er im Stuhlkreis immer nur eine einzige Erklärung, während andere Kinder oft noch weitere Erläuterungen in anderen Worten brauchen. In solchen Situationen wird Ansgar schon mal ungeduldig, da er die Zusammenhänge schon längst verstanden hat und es ihm zu lange dauert, bis es weitergeht. Er stellt dann weitergehende Fragen und fordert so Aufmerksamkeit ein.

Zunächst orientierte er sich in der großen altersgemischten Gruppe an den Schulkindern. Seit diese Möglichkeit entfallen ist (da wir leider keine Schulkinder mehr betreuen), sucht er verstärkt das Gespräch mit den Erwachsenen, zeigt uns Gebasteltes oder fragt gezielt nach Büchern, zum Beispiel über den Weltraum aus der Serie „Was ist was?“. Er sucht dann das Gespräch und fragt nach, möchte zum Beispiel die Namen von Sternen oder Planeten wissen und weiß sie auch noch nach einigen Tagen. Er bastelt Weltraumschmuck und zeigt mir daran den Saturnring.

Wenn ihn ein Thema besonders interessiert, zeigt er große Eigenmotivation und Ausdauer. Das wurde zum Beispiel deutlich, als wir die Weihnachtsgeschichte in unserer Kita mit einem Weihnachtsweg gestalteten. Ansgar war so begeistert, dass er jeden Morgen kontrollierte, wie weit Maria und Josef schon gegangen waren. Seine Mutter erzählte, dass er unseren Weihnachtsweg zu Hause nachgebaut hat. Dabei nutzte er kreativ eine Tierfigur mit Handwerkszeug als Josef, um ihn so als Zimmermann darzustellen. Dann fragte er seine Mutter, ob sie erkennen könne, wer Josef sei. Mit dem Aufbau seines Weihnachtsweges war er tagelang beschäftigt.

Wenn seine Basteleien nicht seinen Vorstellungen entsprechen, ist er unzufrieden und fängt noch einmal an oder erweitert das Produkt. Manchmal ist er frustriert darüber, dass seine Hände noch nicht das umsetzen können, was er sich überlegt hat.

Ansgar ist gern bereit, sich neuen Aufgaben zu stellen.

Er fordert häufig Diskussionen über Kita-Regeln und versucht auch, eigene Regeln aufzustellen. Die möchte er dann im Gruppenalltag umsetzen, auch wenn es aus organisatorischen Gründen gerade nicht passt: etwa beim Mittagessen auf dem Flur spielen.

Er möchte mehr Selbstständigkeit, will alleine – wie die Vorschulkinder – in den Werkraum gehen dürfen.

Seine Mutter berichtet, dass er im Theater in der ersten Reihe sitzen wollte, wo nur noch ein Platz frei war. Während der Rest der Gruppe – mehrere Eltern und Kinder – viel weiter hinten saß, blieb er bis zur Mitte des Stückes vorne sitzen. Dann kam er zur Mutter und meinte, nun gehe es, er könne nun auch hier bleiben.

Wenn in der Kita-Gruppe die Rätselkiste mit Fragekarten zu bestimmten Bereichen ausgepackt wird, beendet er sofort seine bisherigen Aktivitäten und will mitmachen. Meistens beantwortet er die Fragen am schnellsten.

Vorrangig beschäftigt sich Ansgar mit Kindern, die ihm bei seiner Wortgewandtheit und seinen Fragen folgen können.

Der innovative Gebrauch von Materialien ist bei Ansgar sehr ausgeprägt. Er bastelt, malt und klebt sehr viel, sehr konzentriert und ausdauernd. Er holt sich verschiedene Materialien aus dem Werkraum und fragt nach solchen, die für die Kindern nicht frei zugänglich sind. Damit konstruiert er phantasievolle Werke, die er dann Kindern und Erwachsenen genau erklärt.

Ansgar hat einen ausgeprägten Sinn für Humor. Er liebt es geradezu, Geschichten zu erfinden und Witze zu erzählen. Sobald er eine Erzieherin auf dem Flur trifft, wird die ausgedachte Geschichte oder der neueste Witz erzählt. Er genießt es dann, eine positive Bestätigung zu erhalten.

Ansgar stellt sich gerne eine Phantasiewelt vor und bittet andere Kinder mitzuspielen.

Wenn Ansgar unterfordert ist, kommt es vor, dass er zum Gruppen-Clown wird: er macht Faxen, provoziert die Erzieherin, indem er immer redet, auch wenn es nicht zum Thema gehört, wobei er versucht, andere Kinder zum Mitmachen zu gewinnen.

Es fällt besonders auf, dass Ansgar einen ungewöhnlich ausgeprägten Wortschatz besitzt. Er gibt in der Gruppe anderen Kindern Erklärungshilfen, umschreibt Wörter mit anderen Wörtern, wenn Kinder etwas nicht verstanden haben. Seine Ausdrucksfähigkeit und seine Grammatik liegen deutlich über dem Altersdurchschnitt.

Auch verfügt er über ein gutes Abstraktionsvermögen und über ein gutes räumliches Denkvermögen. Das merke ich immer wieder bei seinen ausgedachten Geschichten und bei seinen Reaktionen und Äußerungen in bestimmten Situationen.

Er kann gut beobachten und wahrnehmen. Er kann sich in Kinder in besonderen Situationen hineinversetzen und sie dann gegebenenfalls auch sehr gut trösten.

Ansgar besitzt Führungskompetenz. Bei Rollenspielen übernimmt er immer die Führungsrolle und führt Regie. Dabei achtet er darauf, dass alles gerecht zugeht. Die anderen Kinder lassen sich gerne leiten, wenn sie sich dabei auch selbst verwirklichen können.

Ansgar hat eine Vorliebe für Kunst, Sprache und Schrift. Er hat sich bereits ein Fachwissen zum Thema Weltraum angeeignet. Er experimentiert gerne: So baute er sich aus einer Milchtüte und einer Linse einen Fotoapparat, den er dann in seiner Funktion genau erklären konnte.

Um mein Bild von Ansgar zu ergänzen, bat ich seine Mutter, den Elternfragebogen auszufüllen und sprach anschließend mit ihr darüber.
Die Antworten der Mutter finden Sie hier.

Ansgars Antworten zum Interessen-Fragebogen für den Kindergarten finden Sie hier.

Aus all diesen Eindrücken zog ich den Schluss, dass Ansgar an einem Computerprojekt Interesse haben und davon profitieren könnte.


Als zusätzliche Förderung für Ansgar habe ich mir also ein Computerprojekt überlegt. Seine Mutter berichtet, dass er noch nicht am Computer gearbeitet hat.
Das Projekt soll Ansgars Medienkompetenz stärken, seine Vorlieben für Schrift und Sprache unterstützen und zur Entwicklung seines mathematischen Denkens beitragen.

Gemeinsam mit einer weiteren Erzieherin gehe ich mit den am Projekt teilnehmenden Kindern in den Werkraum, wo unsere Computer für die Kinder stehen. Als ich den Kindern sage, dass sie nun am Computerprojekt teilnehmen, erklärt Ansgar ganz stolz, er dürfe teilnehmen, obwohl er noch nicht fünf Jahre alt und kein Vorschulkind sei.

Anmerkung der Kursleitung:
Für Ansgar ist das offenbar ein ganz wichtiges Signal: Die Erzieherin sieht mich richtig. Sie weiß, was ich gerne machen will und was in mir steckt.

Nachdem wir einige Computerbegriffe erläutert haben, beginnen wir mit dem aktiven Teil, einer Schulung der Auge-Hand-Koordination. Dazu nutzen wir ein entsprechendes Schulungsprogramm: Bewegt man die Maus, wird der Mauszeiger über ein Rasterfeld bewegt. Durch Berührung mit dem Mauszeiger wird das jeweilige Rasterkästchen gelöscht und das darunter liegende Bild sukzessive freigelegt. In einem weiteren Schritt wird die Mausmotorik weiter verfeinert und der Mausklick eingeführt. Danach wird das Tippen der Zahlen und Buchstaben auf der Standard-Tastatur geübt.

Danach geht es in drei Schritten um das rechnerische Denken. Zunächst werden Würfelbilder im Zahlenraum von 1 bis 9 gezählt und die jeweiligen Zahlen über die Tastatur eingegeben. Dann werden durch Sortieren unterschiedlicher geometrischer Figuren Reihen gebildet. Im letzten Teil werden einfache Additionsaufgaben dargeboten.

In einem weiteren Unterprogramm geht es um Buchstaben, die über den Bildschirm verteilt sind und dann über die Tastatur eingegeben werden.

Jedes Kind bekommt zum Abschluss eine Teilnehmer-Urkunde.

Ansgars Einstellung zu dem Computerprojekt

Ansgar ist begeistert und fragt immer nach neuen Terminen für das Projekt. Wenn er dran ist, mag er gar nicht aufhören.

Es fällt ihm zuerst schwer, die Mausklicks auszulösen, weil er dabei seine Hand verkrampft. Aber er lässt sich dadurch nicht entmutigen und bleibt weiterhin sehr motiviert. Er nutzt die kleine Gruppe (insgesamt drei Kinder, meistens gruppenübergreifend), um mit den anderen über die Computerprogramme zu diskutieren.

Offenbar ist es für Ansgar eine weitere Möglichkeit sich zu entfalten. Da die Teilprogramme nach Schwierigkeitsgraden unterteilt sind, gibt es für ihn immer neue Anregungen und Herausforderungen. Er kann seine mathematischen Fähigkeiten ausbauen und wird nicht einseitig nur nach seinen bisherigen Vorlieben gefördert. Ansgar nimmt an dem Computerprogramm bis zu seiner Einschulung teil.

Anmerkung der Kursleitung:
Ansgars positive emotionale Reaktion auf das Computerprojekt lässt vermuten, dass sein Potenzial hoch und wahrscheinlich noch längst nicht ausgeschöpft ist.


Datum der Veröffentlichung: Oktober 2016
Copyright © Edeltraud Walter, siehe Impressum.

The Initial Observation

by Hanna Vock


When you examine your group with regard to the question whether there might be one or even several gifted children among the group, it is a good first step to gather all hints that point towards a higher intelligence or even giftedness.

You, or you and your whole team, can make use of the Indicators of Possible Intellectual Giftedness. While you are going over the individual points you may have situations come to mind in which you were marvelling at specific actions or utterances of a child that correspond to these >indicators< – moments that later got lost in the turmoil of everyday life.

It is often a child’s verbal skill that strikes us first. At the same time there are gifted children whose verbal skills are average, yet they manage to express quite extraordinary thoughts with their unexceptional verbal means. And outstanding non-verbal behaviour can be rather indicative too.

In any case you should not forget to ask your colleagues what they find striking about the child in question.

The observational checklists you are using for all children at your kindergarten can be a sound basis for recognizing children whose developmental stage is well beyond average. But if you stick to the usual grid you may overlook a gifted child here and there. As it happens, giftedness often comes with non-conformism and a plain refusal to cooperate.

While some gifted children like demonstrating their skills others tend to keep low key – particularly during their first weeks and months – assuming “the position of an observer”.

See: Concealing Abilities and Interests.

If you look at the article Communication here in our manual, and also at the following articles, you will understand that it is especially the first days and weeks which determine whether a gifted child will trustingly open up, or opt to hide the peculiarities that come with its giftedness.

It is therefore wise to pay close attention and conduct a formal initial observation during the first weeks of a child’s attendance at your kindergarten.

Just when all the new children are entering kindergarten
– that’s exactly when I don’t have any time for the focused observation of an individual child!

It is certainly not easy! (I have worked in a kindergarten myself for 10 years and I am very critical of the working conditions at many facilities.) On the other hand you may save yourself a lot of trouble if you manage to address a child appropriately (in accordance with its cognitive development, that is) right from the start.

The initial observation may include all Modes of Observation.

After having gathered all assessments and specific observations that have so far been made it gets really exciting!

Now the Observational Chart by Joelle Huser should come into play in order to investigate what exactly the strengths of the child are. Evocative observations are very useful for this enquiry. You can find examples for such observations here.

At the appropriate time in the process the Questionnaire for Parents – First Term in Kindergarten can be put to use too. You can use this chart as a guideline for a parent consultation as well. It is available in several languages here in our manual to accommodate parents who feel safer in a language other than English.

French Version
Turkish Version
Polish Version
German Version
Spanish Version

You may want to avoid the term giftedness in the beginning when talking to parents, which is rather advisable (see: Making Careful Use of the Term Giftedness).

In this case I recommend that you cover the headlines of the questionnaire when making copies for the parents. These headlines are important for us in our training courses, not so much for first tentative talks with parents, who themselves are not yet certain about their child’s degree of intelligence.

The initial observation is but a first careful attempt to assess a child’s possible giftedness.

Later, in the course of Custom-fit Cognitive Advancement, which includes adequate involvement in projects and an on-going dialogue between the kindergarten teacher and the child, the strengths, interests and the extraordinary potential of the child become more visible – and can be named and addressed more adequately.

In our IHVO-trainings we work on the skills for focused observations (aimed at detecting high abilities) and have them implemented with due regard for the given situations. This implementation happens in the framework of the first of five practical assignments to be completed by the participants of our courses.

The Examples of Initial Observations listed in the manual are excerpts from some of these papers.

The participants were expected to choose one child from their group whose potential they considered well above average (possibly a gifted child). These are often children who have been at that kindergarten for a while, as it would be rather peculiar if precisely at the beginning of our course a young gifted child happened to be accepted at the particular kindergarten of the respective participant.

Irrespectively of our courses, this is how it is going to be for any kindergarten that decides to devote more attention to gifted children:
The first consideration is: for which of our children might this be true? Then these children will be observed more closely to substantiate or disprove the initial assumption, and to adapt pedagogic actions to the result of the observations. Certainly and sensibly, observation should be followed by fosterage and consecutively the two should be entwined and nourish each other.

Also see:

Determining Giftedness
Possible Reasons for the Implementation of Diagnostics

Date of Publication in German: 2009, August
Translation: Arno Zucknick
Copyright © Hanna Vock

Ein ausgefüllter Elternfragebogen als Beispiel

für 4- bis 6-jährige Kinder im Kindergarten



Sehr geehrte Eltern von _____Ansgar______ !

Uns ist aufgefallen, dass Ihr Kind einige andere Fähigkeiten und Interessen zeigt als die meisten gleichaltrigen Kinder. Damit wir den Entwicklungsstand und die Spiel- und Lernbedürfnisse Ihres Kindes genauer verstehen können, bitten wir Sie, den folgenden Fragebogen auszufüllen. Ihre Informationen können uns helfen, Ihr Kind im Kindergartenalltag angemessen zu fördern. Alle Ihre Angaben werden vertraulich behandelt.

Gerne möchten wir Sie anschließend zu einem Gespräch einladen, um Ihnen unsere Eindrücke zu schildern und gemeinsam mit Ihnen zu überlegen, wie wir Ihr Kind im Kindergarten in seiner Entwicklung optimal begleiten können.

Nun zu den Fragen.

Datum der Beantwortung: ___________

Alter des Kindes:_ 4___ Jahre _11___ Monate.

1) Was / womit spielt Ihr Kind zu Hause zurzeit am liebsten?

__Luftballons, Schnüre, Pappe etc., die er zu „Kulissen“ für eigene Spielwelten kombiniert und verbaut;
„Höhle“ unter dem Hochbett;

2) Wofür interessiert sich Ihr Kind zurzeit besonders?

__ Piraten;
Detektivspielen („Kalle Blomquist“);

Geschichten: Bücher (vorgelesen), CDs etc.;
Erzählungen „von früher“;

Themen wie: Alltagsexperimente, die Herkunft von Worten, die Bedeutungg von Sprichwörtern und „Wie funktioniert eigentlich ein…?“__


3) Hat Ihr Kind zurzeit ein Lieblingsbuch oder eine Lieblingskassette oder
eine Lieblings-CD / -DVD?

X Ja. O Nein.
Wenn ja, welche?

__CD: Wind in den Weiden (gelesen von Harry Rowohlt); Peter und der Wolf
Bücher: Rüdiger, der kleine Vampir, Tagebuch eines Wombat__

4) Gibt es eine Kindersendung oder eine andere Sendung im Fernsehen, die Ihr Kind gerne sieht und von der es immer wieder neue Folgen sehen will?

X Ja. O Nein.
Wenn ja, welche?

__Wissen macht Ah!; Sendung mit der Maus; Willi will`s wissen; Marvi Hämmer; NilsHolgersson__

5) Was sind die Stärken Ihres Kindes?

__Rasche Auffassungsgabe; Gutherzigkeit; Sprachgewandtheit; Wissbegier; Phantasie; Einfühlungsvermögen; Selbstbewusstsein; meistens gut gelaunt; nicht nachtragend__

6) Glauben Sie, dass Ihr Kind

X eher selbstständiger

O etwa so selbstständig

O weniger selbstständig

ist als gleichaltrige Kinder?

7) Geht Ihr Kind jeden Morgen (oder fast jeden Morgen) gerne in den


X Ja. O Nein.

8) Erzählt Ihr Kind, was es im Kindergarten erlebt hat?

O Ja. X Nein.

Möchten Sie ein Beispiel aus der letzten Zeit nennen?




9) Erzählt Ihr Kind, mit wem es im Kindergarten gespielt hat?

O Ja. X Nein.

10) Erzählt Ihr Kind, was es im Kindergarten gelernt hat?

X Ja. O Nein.

Möchten Sie ein Beispiel aus der letzten Zeit nennen?





11) Möchte Ihr Kind öfter gelegentlich nicht in den Kindergarten gehen?

X Ja. O Nein.
Wenn ja: Sagt es, warum es das nicht möchte?

__„Langweilig, ich kenne da schon jedes Spiel.“ oder: „Ich nehme mir heute mal einen Tag frei. Das darf man doch.“ oder: „Ich möchte aber noch weiterschlafen.“__

12) Spielt Ihr Kind am liebsten mit

X etwa gleichaltrigen Kindern?

O deutlich jüngeren Kindern?

O deutlich älteren Kindern?

13) Gibt es ein Kind im Kindergarten, das sich Ihr Kind als Freund/Freundin wünscht?

X Ja, und zwar ist das: __zurzeit (nicht sehr ausgeprägt): N. aus der Blauen Gruppe. Letztes Jahr (sehr ausgeprägt): L.__ . O Nein.

14) Was stört Ihr Kind Ihrer Einschätzung nach im Kindergarten am meisten?

__Das Reglement.__

15) Glauben Sie, dass Ihr Kind im Kindergarten ein anderes Verhalten zeigt als zu Hause ? Wo sehen Sie die Unterschiede?

__Ja. Zuhause fordert er intensivere „Einzelbetreuung“ ein (- mangels anderer Kinder?)__

16) Gibt es Verhaltensweisen Ihres Kindes, die Sie mit Sorge betrachten?

O Nein.
X Ja, und zwar:

__Undiszipliniertheit / „nicht hören“. Besserwisserei / Rechthaberei.
Geringe Frustrationstoleranz. (Wenn etwas nicht auf Anhieb klappt, erwacht nicht der Ehrgeiz, sondern er weicht auf eine andere Tätigkeit aus.)__

17) Wie lange kann Ihr Kind sich konzentrieren, wenn es mit Eifer bei einer Sache ist?

__Bis zu 2 Stunden; beim Vorlesen auch länger.__

18) Bei welchen Beschäftigungen kann sich Ihr Kind besonders lange konzentrieren?

__Vorlesen; Geschichten hören; Phantasiewelt bauen.__

19) Zeigt Ihr Kind zu Hause Interesse

X an Zahlen?

X an Buchstaben?

X am Lesen lernen?

X am Schreiben lernen?

20) Welche Meinung hat Ihr Kind zur Schule? (Mehrfachnennung möglich.)

O Es hat durch eine ältere Schwester oder einen älteren Bruder eine Vorstellung davon, wie Schule ist.

O Es interessiert sich noch nicht wirklich für die Schule.

X Es möchte am liebsten jetzt schon in die Schule gehen.

O Es macht sich Sorgen in Bezug auf die Schule.

X Es hat (noch) ganz unrealistische Vorstellungen von Schule. Zum Teil.

21) Wie schätzen Sie den Wortschatz Ihres Kindes ein –

21 a) in der deutschen Sprache?

O durchschnittlich

O kleiner als bei Gleichaltrigen

X größer als bei Gleichaltrigen

21b) in seiner Muttersprache, falls das nicht Deutsch ist?

O durchschnittlich

O kleiner als bei Gleichaltrigen

O größer als bei Gleichaltrigen

22) Wie schätzen Sie das Denkvermögen Ihres Kindes ein?

O durchschnittlich

O unterdurchschnittlich

X überdurchschnittlich

23) Zu welchem Thema hat Ihr Kind zurzeit besonders viele Fragen?
Können Sie hier eine der Fragen als Beispiel aufschreiben?

__Wie funktioniert eigentlich…?
Wenn man…, kann man dann…?
Wusstest du schon, dass…?

24) Worüber lacht Ihr Kind gern?

Grimassen („Mama, schiel doch mal!“); 
absurde Übertreibungen;
alberne Reime.__

25) Wie schätzen Sie das Selbstvertrauen Ihres Kindes ein?

Es hat ein eher schwaches Selbstvertrauen bei folgenden Anforderungen:

__Sport (vor allem Fußball); Fahrrad fahren.__

Es hat ein eher starkes Selbstvertrauen bei folgenden Anforderungen:

__Bei fast allem.__

26) Gibt es etwas, das sich Ihr Kind nicht zutraut, obwohl Sie glauben, dass es das könnte?

O Nein.
X Ja, und zwar: __Fahrrad fahren.__

27) Beobachten Sie mitunter Äußerungen oder Verhaltensweisen bei Ihrem Kind, die Sie erstaunen oder überraschen?

O Nein.
X Ja, und zwar:

__altkluge oder schlagfertige Antworten;
Gespür für Situationen und Untertöne; Er erkennt Ironie.__

28) Haben Sie Fragen an uns?

O Nein.
X Ja, und zwar möchte ich gerne wissen:

__Wie verhält sich Ansgar in der Gruppe?
Welche Verhaltensweisen finden Sie bedenklich?
Wo sehen Sie Ansgars Stärken und Schwächen?
Sehen Sie zusätzlichen Förderbedarf, und wenn Ja, welchen?__


Herzlichen Dank für die Beantwortung der Fragen.


© Hanna Vock/ Edeltraud Walter, siehe Impressum.